It’s crazy that I’m finally going to be in my last year of schooling (other than uni) but I’ve been in school for so long. From being in preschool for morning and afternoon classes because I wasn’t able to be picked up on time, from starting school early and repeating grade 1 cause I didn’t speak english, going to a private school and switching to 3 different schools after that, and now I’m going into my last year of high school. Honestly can’t wait for it to be over with, but I hope this years a good year, and I finally get my future organized (somewhat).
Some people fall to deep into high school, and they forget that high school is only 3 years of their life. They think the people that hate them now will remember them for the rest of their life, but no. the friends you make, the enemies you make, about 90% or more you won’t even communicate with them in the next few years after high school. You’d be lucky if you got to meet up with your group of friends you have all through high school once a month, because after high school people go their own way. People move to different cities, they go into the field they are aiming for, they have children, travel whatever the case is, people move on. You step out of high school, and you’re in reality where people will say hi and keep walking. So if you’re having a shitty year or just a overall shitty high school experience, don’t forget that it’s simply a few years of your life, and that’s all it’ll ever be.
I always think I’m just at a phase in life that my shits messed up and a year or so I’ll have my shit together, but then that year or so comes and it’s like my shit gets even more shit.
I want someone to understand me for once, and understand everything about me and just get it. Just get my mood swings and the shit I have been through and the shit I want to go through and achieve in life.
But I don’t know how someone can do that, because even I don’t understand me.
Maybe I brought things on to myself, maybe all this feeling of hurt lately is built up karma for all the dumb and mean shit I have done in the past, because I can’t go a day without feeling tired of everything and everyone around me anymore.
One of the worst part of school is having a loner class, and I ALWAYS end up with at least one each semester. It sucks so much, cause I’m an awkward person, and I don’t make friends unless friends come to me, which is bad but once the ball starts rolling I can guarantee I’ll be the best friend. But other than that, I don’t start conversations and I suck at small talk, so I hardly talk to anyone in those loner class.
I’m honestly really fine with being single, I think life’s good single. I just want to be in a relationship to be cute with. But on the real, I’m not even close to being ready for a relationship, so I guess it’s a good thing no one likes me :’)
As if you were never in their life to begin with, and then it’s just of like “Oh.. guess I was nothing to you”.
I hate when people say I’ve “changed” making it sound like a bad thing, like fuck you. Am I supposed to be the same person I was yesterday or the same person I was a month ago, or the same person I was after I got fucked over? I’m constantly changing, and so is everyone else. Everyone changes from day to day, from month to month, and if you look at your life now compared to a year ago you’d think “wow a lot has happened, wow I’ve changed a lot”. People change constantly, and people move on from bullshit things that happened previously, or people get into bullshit things they wouldn’t have a year ago, either way everyone changes. So don’t tell me “i’ve changed” making me seem like a weirdo for being different than now than I was before.
I have a habit of forgiving way to easily, and thinking that someone isn’t gonna fuck me over twice. Thinking maybe they’ll change, maybe they’ll start treating me different in a good way, and opening up to me.
In the end, I just get fucked over twice.
All the time.
Do you ever just sit there and think “I’m not going to cry” and then someone asks what’s wrong and THEN TEAR FORMS AND YOU THINK “FUCK” and start bawling.
Honestly, if someone leaves your life, let them. No matter how important they maybe, if they don’t see the value in you why should you save value for them. If they aren’t going to think about how you feel, then they aren’t worth the time, or the effort to keep that spot available just for them. That spot in your life is more worthy than they will ever be, and if they think they can easily come back in your life, you should tell them to fuck off. No one deserves to be treated like second choice, rebound friend, etc.
In the end of the day, life moves on, they’ve moved on, and so should you. You can’t drown yourself in the past hoping it’d be the same, because that will get you no where. If they’re having a good life without you, you will have a better life without them.
I just want your hand to hold, your arms to wrap around me, your lips on my lips, your body against my body. I crave for your touch and affection.
But I know better that it won’t mean anything to you, so whatever.
When someone makes an insult it’s easy to brush it off and go “fuck you” but when your parent says something so casually and not in a joking manner it actually fucking hurts. Thanks for basically telling me I’m a shitty person.